The Day After The Race...Reflections and Thanks

Sunday, December 5th, 7:00am...Las Vegas....freezing outside with over 30,000 other people, lined up ready to go. I know no one in my corral....but make small talk with another runner from Virginia Beach....it takes forever to start running....I am having major doubts...thinking seriously about going back to our hotel and just being over all of this....but suddenly we start moving...and 29 minutes after 7...I begin my first half marathon (13.1 miles).

I did not start out well....I was cold...I couldn't get my Garmin watch to start...I didn't have my headphones and music ready....all rookie mistakes, I'm sure....finally, things were working. I still wasn't running as I had in training, just couldn't seem to get a rhythm going, but my times were ok....not great, but I was very realistic with this race ~ I just didn't want to have to take the van back (there was a 4 hour time cutoff...if you weren't going to make the time, you had to take a van back to the finish line)....with each mile, I grew more weary, both physically and mentally. I wish I had someone to run with....it was kind of a lonely feeling.

At the 6 mile point, the course turns around and you begin the run back on the Las Vegas Strip. I was then at 7, 8 then 9 miles. The longest I have ever run in my life was 9.5 miles...so when I hit 10 miles, I was done. I saw that my time was going to be ok, and I had to dig deep...I had to find that inner strength that I hear about, and I wasn't sure I had...but I just kept going.

Suddenly, at mile 11 or so ~ my daughter Ashley appeared. She had already finished, but came back to run me in....I hugged her so hard ~ I was really, really struggling at that point, even though I knew the end was sooooo close....everything hurt, my feet, my back, I was done. We started talking about anything but running...our dogs, funny stories....then, there it was ~ the finish...Ashley had to leave, but I could see her, my hubby Rob and Ashley's hubby Jeff on the sidelines...cheering me on...Ashley had told me I had to run (not walk) the final part in...so I did....I did my best to not just burst into tears, several people around me were just crying with happiness...I could see the final time....and I crossed the finish line...I had completed my half marathon after about 55 days of serious training. I didn't quite make the time I had hoped to, but I finished....that was enough for me.

I have been asked why I would want to start running at 50....and I think there are several reasons. I needed a change, something new to do in my life. I needed to get healthy. Also, running in San Diego allowed me to spend some wonderful time outdoors. I think I also needed to prove to myself that I could set a goal and achieve it. I had serious, serious doubts about finishing the marathon....I had doubts that I could actually achieve this goal. I absolutely had to go to a place I had never been to before to find the strength and drive to continue....I also found that my family and friends played a huge role in helping me with this goal. Their support was unwavering and encouraging. If I was feeling nervous, I knew I could write/email/call a friend and they would help me work through what I was feeling. I owe so much of my success to my family and friends and I celebrate and share this success with all of them (you know who you are!!!)....thank you seems so insignificant but I do thank you. I honestly could not have completed this marathon without your help and support.

So, to answer my initial question, I CAN RUN A HALF MARATHON. If I can do it, anyone reading this can do it too...if you have any questions, or want to chat with me about it, I'd love to share my experience with you. Now, on to my next goal....hmmmmmm.

Two days to go....can I do this?

Well, I'm in Las Vegas...it's Friday night and the race is on Sunday morning, early. We're waiting for our daughter and son-in-law to arrive and will go to the big Expo tomorrow. There are supposed to be over 22,000 runners here....I've never seen so many people in Las Vegas with running shoes on!!!

Kind of a bittersweet day being in Vegas with Hallie being sworn in as an attorney for the state of California...but was able to see the ceremony on video...we're so proud of all she has accomplished!

I don't remember the last time I was this nervous...and it's not about the run, I know I can do it...I just don't know if I can do it in 4 hours...and they put you in a van and drive you to the finish line if they don't think you're going to make the time cut-off....I want to at least finish it, so I'm going to have to stay mentally tough and focused on my mile times....it's actually being run on Las Vegas Blvd, from the Mandalay Bay, down past the Venetian, to Fremont Street and back...I've kind of memorized where each hotel is mile wise, so I have an idea of where I need to be by what time....Fremont Street is half way, so I've got to be there under the two hour mark....

It would be nice to have someone to run with, but I've done this entire journey by myself, so I think it's kind of fitting to run the race on my own....if I decide to keep running, it might benefit me to find a running buddy so we can push each other...I guess Sunday morning will decide what I end up doing in the future....I can do this,....I know I can....I can do this.

A beautiful day!

I added up how many miles I ran last week....I did 4 on Monday, 4.5 on Wednesday and 9.5 on Friday. That's 18 for 3 days...then did 5 on Sunday...so, that's 23 miles...in a week...in 7 days...WOWZA! Who would have thought?

I pushed myself yesterday when I was running...so many times I just wanted to stop...to just turn around and sit in my car...or better yet, since on a bench in the beautiful San Diego sunshine...but I kept going...I love my Garmin GPS watch...I can tell how far I'm going....if I have .2 miles to go to reach a mile, I keep going...I always tell myself I can do just a bit more, or I can run to the end of the street, or to the lamp post...every time a bit further...I've figured out that once I reach the 3 mile point, I'm ok...I'm settled in for the run....but the first 3 miles ~ I make up more excuses than a middle school student...but I've learned to just do it...stop listening to the negative and focus on the positive...but it's not easy...it's the same battle every time I get ready to run.

The race is 3 weeks from today...it will be over 3 weeks from today. I will be home from Las Vegas 3 weeks from today. What will I feel like? Thanks for sharing this journey with me...3 weeks to go!!!

....and the running continues...with confidence.

I'm still running...a lot...well, a lot for me. I did 8 miles this past Sunday. I actually ran the first 4 without stopping...I couldn't believe it. I was at the one mile point, I felt fine. So I kept running. I was running along the waterfront in San Diego and it was a simply beautiful, stunning, makes-you-want-to-be-outside kind of day. So I kept running. It was unreal to me, but I must admit I was proud of myself. At the 4 mile point, I was in front of the cruise ships, and there were a lot of people walking around, so I began to walk...but I SO wanted to do the "Rocky" dance (you know the one, where he's at the top of the stairs and has his fists in the air....background the awesome Rocky theme...can you picture it? I was there...I was SO there...) I'm walking/running about 20 - 25 miles a week ~ amazing. I read an old post where I ran for 4 minutes straight...now, I'm running almost 60 minutes...what's the difference? Training ~ yes. Determination ~ yes. But I think the biggest difference for me is simply one thing: confidence.



The race is about a month away...I'm getting excited...I'm reading up on half-marathons, on the mental aspect of running. It's supposed to be cold at the start of the race, so I'm looking at what I'm going to take....I guess you just take off layers as you run, so you take clothes you don't expect to get back...I didn't know that. I'm learning more and more each and every day. My confidence is growing each and every day as well.



Many people have asked me if I'm surprised that I am running. They ask if I'm afraid I won't finish. Most tell me they could never run 8 steps, let alone 8 miles. I think that's what I've learned the most about myself. I can do a lot more than I think I can. My body can endure more steps than I thought it could. Mainly, I've learned that confidence will play a bigger role in the half-marathon than almost anything. Confidence. I would never have believed that I could be where I'm at with my running. Confidence. It's a good thing!

COLD...RAIN....BRRR....all 4 letter words....

I do not like the cold weather....with cold weather, those of us with Fibromyalgia really feel it...our muscles tighten up more than they usually are...everything that kind of hurts really hurts...so this weather the past few days has created a challenge...I have about 48 days until the half-marathon...that's about 24 running days....so, I need to keep at it...do I allow the weather to keep me in, or do I keep going? If I stop, I've learned how hard it is to get back to the level I need to be running to make a decent effort...but it's hard just to get through the day...but I ran...on Monday....and Wednesday...my long run is supposed to be this weekend....I'm thinking Saturday morning...it's supposed to be sunny...now, sunny. That's a nice word....it has 5 letters....much better...so much, much better....I think I can, I think I can, I can I think....that's where I'm at....I find myself questioning why I've even considered running this...but have been pushing those thoughts out of my mind....I'm usually very determined to finish something once I've committed, but with Fibro, sometimes I can't control what the outcome is....so, maybe this race will be good for the mental aspect as well....I'll continue to post....I'll continue to run....

Is pain truly a four letter word?

Pain...just the thought of it makes me shudder...I have Fibromyalgia, which is chronic pain. I've had it for over 10 years, and it has changed my life. And not for the better. Some days are bad, some are worse...but lately it has been manageable. But pain and I are not friends.

Running causes me pain...and I wonder why I would do something that causes more pain. But during today's run I discovered that I can push myself further than I thought I could. I would pick out a landmark and tell myself I could keep running until I got to that point...then I found another further, and so on. I kept going. Now, I admit, I do have walk breaks. I'm not at a total running level...yet. I may never get there...but, I am running more. And I feel better than I have in years.

Is there a correlation between my running and that pain, and my reduction of Fibro pain? I hope so. I'll endure the occasional pain for 1 hour to have a decent quality of life. It's fun to watch the children play where I run, and see them run and run and run...what happened to that? We used to go from sun up to sun down, playing outside. Now, I strive for one hour of exercise a day. Out of 24 hours. But, that's more than I used to exercise, so I'll take it.

Pain is indeed a four letter word...just as the words "like" and "star" and "hope"...not all four letter words are bad...some evoke bad ideas, but many teach us to believe, to dream, to strive. Pain will no longer be a bad thing in my day, merely something I have to get through.

The half-marathon is 7 weeks from tomorrow. 49 days. Of Pain.

Maybe I should change the name of this blog to "I CAN run a half marathon, can't I?" Because I can and I will. Pain will not stop me.

Motivation...is it for sale?

It's another dreary, cloudy day in San Diego ~ seems like the entire summer has been like this...and I am a sunshine kind of person...I get gloomy just like the weather. So, I am seeking motivation. I wonder if Amazon has any for sale...if you google the word "motivation" ~ there are plenty of people willing to sell you their secrets...just buy the book! But, I'm looking for real motivation..in the form of a tablet or a drink...and it's just not there...so, round two.

I've discovered that motivation can't be bought, can't be sold, can't be shared, can't be given away ~ it's up to me to decide to be motivated or not. I can read a thousand books, all the while not being motivated enough to run or exercise...it's kind of like reading about how to diet while eating a banana split. Sure tastes good, but why? What have I accomplished? So, round three.

I can fool others and tell them that I ran today, or biked today, or did my WII Fit...but who am I fooling? Myself. No one else would question it, but I would know. So, once again, I am discovering that motivation and the wanting to accomplish a goal must come from within. I've heard it before...deep down I know it....but I wanted it to be easier...to not hurt so much...the bottom line is that I didn't want to work for it. So, final round.

Motivation is free...it's within every one of us, including me. I just didn't know it. I never would have been where I am had I not read Barbara Hannah Grufferman's book "The Best of Everything after 50." I encourage anyone, whether you're 50, over 50 or almost 50 to purchase this book. Barbara has done the work for us. She has given me the closest thing to "free" motivation, as she has traveled this journey and found health, happiness and a positive quality of life. Barbara didn't ask me to "plug" her book...I just did it, since it has made such a difference in my life.

So, I will find some way to exercise today, it's not a running day, but I have the goal of working out 6 days a week until the Marathon...and after. I'm not just training for the half-marathon...I'm training for life...even if I can't buy motivation, I'm going to be looking for it within me every day...it's there...the weather won't stop me. I'm running a half-marathon. In December. Wow ~ that almost sounds like I'm motivated!